Why I like to look my best, despite feeling my worst ...
Alongside the fact I have an invisible illness, I think people think I am fine or feeling 'good' because I have my makeup on and am well dressed. The fact is I can be in so much pain and feel so bad, but I will still put on my makeup like any other day and smile.
Putting on my makeup for the day and getting dressed does not mean that I am necessarily having one of my best days, you don't have to be feeling your best to look it. There are many reasons why people may put on makeup or dress nicely, but the reason I do is for my own sake. It isn't a confidence issue, it is just that when I am feeling low or unwell, I enjoy putting on my makeup and hiding those feelings. I feel better when I know I am looking better, if I felt rough and went out looking rough it would ultimately add to how crap I am already feeling. Not only that, makeup can mask a lot of things and if I was to post a photo with no makeup, on a day where I am really ill and not well, you would see the bags under my eyes, the dark circles, the rosacea in my skin, stress/hormone spots, discolouration, paleness and you would see that I was ill. The last thing I want is to be commented on is how ill I look, how I feel inside I don't want that to be visible to everyone. Then on days where people would see me with makeup on they may assume I was all better and that is not the case. Wether I have a full face of glam on or looking like a total wreck, I can guarantee my everyday will be the same and how I am feeling hasn't changed.
Just because I choose to wear makeup, put on a smile and act okay, doesn't mean that I am, nor does it mean anyone else doing the same thing is. I enjoy doing makeup, I like wearing it, makeup for me is fun and I love creating new looks and collecting lots of different products. So before people judge and comment 'she can still put on her makeup' or 'she doesn't look very ill', think about if you would want the world to see you on your worst day.
It is so nice when people compliment you on how well you are looking that day, but I wonder if people know the effort it took to look that way? The effort it takes to smile when you want to cry, and the effort it takes to leave the house when you just want to curl up.
I do not wear makeup everyday, I enjoy not wearing makeup and putting on my tracksuit and being natural, you should never feel you have to hide what you look like, but if you want to make yourself look better for you then go ahead! You don't have to look ill to be ill, you can still be glamorous and feel crap!
To be honest I don't know why I'm really writing this or where I am going with it all. I guess you just shouldn't judge someone for trying to look their best and remember just because someone may look well, doesn't always mean they are and if you enjoy making yourself look good, you shouldn't feel guilty for that! I feel like there is such a pressure on appearances, people are made to feel they have to look certain ways for others, guys have to have fit bodies and girls have to have flawless figures, you should look ill to prove you are ill and it is not true, whatever you do, do for yourself and do it with pride after all it's what makes you, you!
Lottie
